If you can...Teach!

“Great teachers will never be able to make up for bad parents, nor should they be expected to.” -Taylor Mali

“Certainly teachers themselves can do a better job of letting the world know how hard their profession is, but frankly, they have real work to do and a lot of it, so they don't have a whole lot of free time on their hands.” -also Taylor Mali

Teaching is hard, and the past two weeks have been two of the hardest of my year, because it was my 2-week solo teaching take over as a student teacher. It was probably good timing, then, for someone in my teaching program to pass along this video:

For my classmates whose takeovers have been going swimmingly, I am happy for them, I really am. I'm in a program with some amazing people, but it's hard to listen to their successes--so Roxanna Elden (from the video) definitely resonated with me. It's so hard not to take things personally and feel like a failure when mine felt like a disaster-despite positive feedback and encouragement from my resident teacher, other teachers at the school, and my supervisor. There was definitely more than one day that ended with me in tears when I got home. That's not to say that I did not learn a lot and that my kids didn't, because we all did. But if I tallied actual learning time, and time it took to settle my students/manage the room, it would not be remotely the tally I'd hope for, despite trying everything I could think of. Students, good or bad, definitely push the envelope with student teachers.

Still, it boggles my mind how rude, disrespectful, and defiant some students--eight year olds!--can be. How the actions of a small group can impact an otherwise lovely group of kids' learning environment. That said, it wasn't a total disaster, and one day shines brighter than the rest. One day was my silver lining, the day that reminded me what learning can look like. That day was the day I took my students on a field trip to the wetlands. My students loved it! One student struggles in school, doesn't pay attention, doodles, plays with scissors/paper/pencils during class, and rarely (though it does happen) gets excited or engaged in his learning. Yet on this day, he looked absolutely giddy the entire day, totally thrilled that he was getting to explore nature and science. And he wasn't the only one.

In fact, all of my students (save one, who had to sit out of one activity for breaking all two of the rules the woman running the program laid out for us) were actively engaged the entire time listening better than they ever do in class. It was good to see what has been a really tough class for me, be successful. Of course, it also showed me that my students need to learn to tap into their curiosity and potential in class--that they are capable of more than what they show me. But that day showed me how teaching can, and should feel: not bogged down by constantly waiting for kids to listen, but hands-on, interactive, and fun.

There needs to be a shift in how students view school, because too many students, even in the younger grades have given up and decided school isn't fun. And once you've decided it's going to be hard and boring, well, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Unfortunately many students decide that acting up and getting in trouble is easier than actually learning, and it gets to the point where then they act up because they are way behind, and that's a way to get out of work. And then a teacher ends up being less of a teacher and more of a parent, or a babysitter. It's sad, and it's unfair to the students who are willing and ready to participate, because these troublemakers who have made the choice not to learn, are also choosing to disrupt and take away valuable learning time from students who need and want to be there.

I'm currently overwhelmed by how much a teacher needs to take into account--with English language learners, and the plethora of different cultures in California, much less the rest of America, teachers must be aware of more than just the subject they teach. Teachers need to be aware of where a student comes from, their home culture, their English proficiency, learning style and social abilities.

As one woman discusses about her year teaching in Botswana, "I quit after a year, demoralized by the school’s atmosphere. I found teaching hard work, the hardest job I’ve done, and I would be wrung out at the end of each day [...] So now I say, 'If you can, teach.'"

It's a good thing my supervisor and resident teacher both are supportive, think I'm doing a great job, and I get positive feedback when I feel like I'm totally screwing up. So I guess I'm doing most of the right things. It may not always be pretty, and being a student teacher is different than having your own classroom, but in some little, itty bitty way, I'm making a difference in a world that is making it very hard for a teacher to do so-and in a classroom that is making it very hard for a student teacher. I'm excited for my own future classroom, knowing that, having (just barely) survived my solo teaching, I can, indeed, teach.

Watch Your Mouth

“I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.

Tomorrow,
I'll be at the table
When company comes.
Nobody'll dare
Say to me,
"Eat in the kitchen,"
Then.

Besides,
They'll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed--

I, too, am America.” 
-Langston Hughes

Recently, thanks to the lovely social media site of twitter, I came across this article by Camika Royal, titled "Please Stop Using the Phrase 'Achievement Gap.'" Given that in many education-centered organizations toss around the term a lot, and that I, during my years of service with AmeriCorps, have also used. I found it a provoking reminder of the power of language. Intentions may be good, but the underlying historical context and implication reinforce the gap we're trying to close. I like that she suggests using the term "opportunity gap," because frankly, that more accurately gets to the root of the problem. (And as with anything on the internet, I am continually failing to learn not to read comment sections-I read half of a comment that struck me as racist and totally missing the point before I remembered. It is amazing how defensive people get when they feel like their power or status quo is being challenged. Royal went on to respond to her critics, in a much more polite way than I may have been able to muster, and reinforce her argument).

What really resonated with me however, was this paragraph near the end:

"Those of us with racially critical lenses notice that education reform seems overly populated by young white women and under-populated by people who share cultural, ethnic, racial, and language similarities with the students we serve. While this has been an issue in education for some time, be clear that, at this moment when education "reform" is all the rage, accomplishing education reform by removing black educators and replacing them with young, white, and inexperienced cultural tourists demonstrates the pathological nature of this concept. When middle-class liberals and other well-meaning white folks grapple with the so-called achievement gap, what they're really asking is, "What’s wrong with them?"

This is a topic that I  have thought about, and mentioned before, about my unease with being middle class, white, and female, working with a majority of students who are not. Just like the majority of teachers in America. It reminds me of how I felt in high school when I joined the Gay-Straight Alliance. As an ally, I was insecure in what I was qualified to say or do, even though I felt strongly about our mission. I cannot pretend to understand what it feels like to come out and fear the responses of family, friends, or strangers, much like I cannot pretend to understand what it is like to not know where my next meal will come from, live in a shelter, or be black. But that does not mean I do not care passionately about my students' educations and the general state of inequality in America. I recognize that our job is not to improve a group of people to live up to this idealized norm of whiteness, but rather to shift a deeply rooted societal bias.

I see how Teach for America sets up corps members to be "cultural tourists" trying to fix the "other." This is one of several reasons I'm not TFA's biggest fan. The organization seems to benefit the teacher, more than it does the student. To me, teaching is, first and foremost, student-centered. That is not to say that AmeriCorps cannot benefit its members. My program allowed me to grow, and not at the expense of students. My students had veteran teachers, so at least if I ended up to be a horrible educator (thankfully I am not), 30 children would not be set back a year. Plus, in many places, with class sizes rising, it seems to be more beneficial to have more adults in the classroom, and more individual support for students, than to throw some enthusiastic yet inexperienced young college grad alone into a challenging classroom.

Perhaps because having been a part of two other AmeriCorps programs and am thus biased, I do not believe that all AmeriCorps programs are as problematic as I see TFA. They tend to be more diverse in age and possibly race, but also may be more likely to hire corps members who are already part of the community. And to me, community is huge. Many corps members are merely passing through a community, but what these communities need are people to work on these educational issues who are truly part of the community and will stay there. I wonder what Royal, a TFA alum, thinks of other AmeriCorps programs like the Minnesota Reading Corps, and if this is a model that is not quite as pathological as TFA. I wonder, because I also wonder where I fit. I know I have a lot to learn, but I believe I do try to view the world with racially critical lenses, and that even though I am white, working with a majority of students who are not, I am not merely a "cultural tourist." Rather, I am in it for the long run, because education is what I am passionate about, and it turns out I'm somewhat good at it. I cannot help that I am privileged simply by being born how I am, but I can act on the knowledge and understanding of what it means to be privileged. I can continue to educate myself, change the rhetoric I use, and work towards a better world. And I want to thank Royal for giving me some food for thought, and a small way to begin a shift towards educational equality.

A Homecoming of Sorts

"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got." -Sheryl Crow

"Luck is believing you're lucky." -Tennessee Williams

Several years ago I was complaining about a lane assignment for a 200 meter race I was about to run. I enjoy running on the inside lanes, because I like running the curve, but I must have had a number 6 or 7 hip number. My coach heard me and said, "Amy, the lane you're in is the best lane to be in." It never mattered what lane you were assigned, because excelling at a sport is not about what might have been, but about doing your best in every attempt, whether it be lane 2 or lane 8, in rain, wind or sun.

I took her encouragement to heart. I never again complained about my lane assignments, and even half-jokingly repeated my coach's advice back to her whenever I heard her talking to other athletes about lane assignments. And I think this advice applies to more than simply the world of track. It's good advice for life; playing the hand you are dealt and making the most of it.

It seems fitting that two of this week's vocabulary words for my second graders are "memories" and "familiar." I spent last week in Minnesota, and was pleasantly surprised at just how familiar and comfortable everything seemed, from walking to the grocery store, grabbing a drink with a friend, or playing board games in my former roommate's apartment. I also visited the wonderful school I worked in last year. Nearing the end of my winter break, and not looking forward to the intense quarter looming on the horizon, my visit restored enthusiasm to see my current class again, and was a good reminder of why I am taking on the challenge of grad school.

This past week I thought a lot about where I would eventually like to teach, and at what grade. And frankly, I don't have an answer. I'm not going to lie, I would teach at my lovely St. Paul school in a heartbeat. I feel like it's a very special place, and I got to a point where I truly felt a part of the community, and that feeling intensified when I returned last week. But who's to say I wouldn't have felt that way about another school, had I been placed there 2 years ago? I love my students now, I love my Minnesota students, I love the new students in MN with whom I spent two days, and I love those random 4th graders who let me be a part of their classroom family in Vacaville for one day two weeks ago.

But I wasn't placed in any other school. The path I took led me to St. Paul, and I made the most of my two short years there. I can't ask for anything more, and the hugs I got last week were more than enough to make it worthwhile, to know that while I was impacted deeply by my students and school, the feeling was mutual. I guess it's like my track coach's advice: whichever classroom/grade I'm in, that is the absolute best place to be.

If not you, who? If not now, when?

"I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do." -Hellen Keller

"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one." -Mother Teresa 

I don't have all the answers. Or many at all, really. But I realized something: it's okay!

However, just because I may have no idea what I'm doing at times (at all the times), that doesn't mean I don't have to act, and stand up for what I believe in. Eloquent or not.

I am a very non-confrontational person. I care more than I'd like to admit about what others think of me.  Which has maybe held me back in terms of what I'm capable of accomplishing. But I'm also passionate and believe strongly in the power of education, and the ultimate good of humanity. And in class it was encouraging, while discussing LGBT issues and tackling "that's so gay" comments, hearing that saying something, awkward as it may be, is better than nothing. Now that I've written it out, it seems obvious, but I think that too many people refrain from saying anything because they don't want to say something "wrong." If it's coming from your heart, and a conviction that equality is important, then your message will get across--and can promote change.

"Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attached a hot fudge sundae." -Kurt Vonnegut

Last year my principal was super into Stephen Covey and brought his ideas of 7 habits of highly effective people into staff meetings. One idea that he brings up is spheres or circles of influence, and how effective people focus on what they have some degree of influence over. It's no use to stress out about what is in your "circle of concern" because you cannot do anything about it. I like this idea and I don't. I like it because I get overwhelmed by the big picture sometimes--the incredible existence of inequality in our education system, cycles of poverty, unjust laws etc. And it's good to take a step back and focus on something smaller. Something that I can do-teaching and making a difference just for my students. As they ask in my seminar class when we're all stressing out over everything we have to do: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead

The reason that I don't like this idea is that I don't think people are good at knowing what their circle of influence is; they don't realize what they are truly capable of. Covey gives people an easy way to perhaps live a little more stress free, but to have a cop-out when the going gets tough. Now, I haven't done extensive reading of Covey, and he probably didn't intend that at all. But it's a concern.

Because that big scale change? Starts with one small act. Large-scale change occurs gradually. For equality to truly take hold in our society's values, it's going to take a generation or two. So the solution starts in education, starts when you can educate and empower all children. It starts when you can plant that seed of critical thinking, questioning the world you were born into, and being open to difference. So many horrors of violence-physical or psychological-done on the part of children stems from ignorance. It might not be better tomorrow--it's like planting a tree. You may not get to enjoy its shade, but does that mean you don't plant it? Of course not!

A little knowledge can go a long way. Kids are curious. And when their curiosity is shut down, they learn that these so-called difficult topics are taboo, and that difference becomes an unknown, something scary. But it doesn't have to be. Conversations about race, or gender identity or disabilities need to be had. So hey, I'm going to have them in my future classrooms. I don't have all the answers, and I probably will stumble through my discussions awkwardly.

The important thing is that I'm going to try. It goes beyond just believing in things. The thoughts in my head mean nothing without action--maybe ultimately this blog is useless because it's just my thoughts put into words on a page. I get encouraged when I see lots of stories in the media that use research, that shows us how education can and should be to be successful. But I also get discouraged, because while awareness is the first step, I haven't seen much change. We have the research, and we have a lot of people with good heads on their shoulders (who unfortunately are not always the ones in power). Why aren't we using it?

I'm hopeful, because when I go to classes, I'm surrounded by like-minded people who will for sure make a difference. And because I just discovered that one of my friends in a different credential program has also spent extensive amounts of time thinking about equality, beyond I'm sure what his coursework required of him. I have every confidence that he is going to make a world of difference. And luckily, he's not the only one.

The Lorax, Dr. Seuss

So I guess it starts with me. And you.

Politics Shmolitics

It's a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. -Douglas Adams

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. -also Douglas Adams

I'll be the first to admit that I don't really understand politics, or how the budget works, or why our government functions the way it does. I don't understand how we got to where we are today--how illogical our politicians are and how a lot of America believes them. Most of all, I don't understand how politicians can say they love our country but are clearly working towards easy fixes and short term gains (ie getting elected). If politicians truly loved and wanted what's best for America, well, education wouldn't have all these budget cuts. And teachers would be paid what they deserve.

But it's not just teaching, it's early childhood education, providing resources and materials to schools, hiring reading/math/art/science specialists, having enough staff to give every student the attention they need and deserve, providing professional development to improve teacher effectiveness, keeping class sizes down, and actually use the information research tells us will help raise test scores. (hint: it's not teaching to the test and eliminating art).

 I've now begun reading the news enough to realize that there are a couple of NY Times columnists who I repeatedly read and agree with. Nicholas Kristof is one, and nearly a year ago I bookmarked this column that he wrote, intending to address it in my blog in a more timely manner. Oops.

But he makes a good point about the long term returns of investing in schools/early education. It just makes sense:

"Maybe it seems absurd to propose expansion of early childhood education at a time when budgets are being slashed. Yet James Heckman, a Nobel Prize-winning economist at the University of Chicago, has shown that investments in early childhood education pay for themselves. Indeed, he argues that they pay a return of 7 percent or more — better than many investments on Wall Street."

More recently, Kristof addressed the Chicago Teacher's Strike, bringing it back to early childhood education.

America’s education system has become less a ladder of opportunity than a structure to transmit inequity from one generation to the next. [...] The single most important step we could take has nothing to do with unions and everything to do with providing early-childhood education to at-risk kids. 

What I like about Kristof though, is he recognizes what our top priority should be: students. Unfortunately, politics often gets in the way. Yes, unions are important, but they get in the way sometimes too. You might remember the images from Waiting for Superman of the teachers who should be fired for ineffectiveness being sent to rubber rooms, where they are still paid because they are protected. That's not the way it should be. Judging teacher effectiveness is a whole other issue I'm not going to go into just now, but maybe if teachers were well paid and not expected to perform miracles in overcrowded, under-resourced schools--rather given plenty of professional development, we wouldn't have this issue. Teachers should definitely be held accountable for what they can be reasonably expected to do, and it should be easier to fire bad teachers, and hire good ones.

You can't just start giving students a test and claim some teacher is more or less effective based on the results. That's not fair. That's like giving an exam on the first day of a course, and basing your grade on that test before learning any of the information. The fact is, there are a lot of inequalities amongst schools, and it is unfair to judge two very different schools on the same test without first making sure both schools have the resources to reasonably have students at the same standard. So there's one reason why NCLB hasn't fixed our education system.

There is no easy solution, so politicians, journalists and the general population: stop pretending there is one. Stop pretending it's just teacher's unions, or the teacher's themselves who are solely at fault. They may play a small part, but so does access to resources, health, early elementary education, poverty, societal attitudes and a million other issues.

I don't have the answers, and I'm not sure anyone does right now. But we really need to start using the research that is out there, versus playing some stupid blame game. It's no one's fault, and it's all of our faults. Let's move on. I'm hopeful--every week I see more and more articles about what education can and should look like. But now we need to move from words on a paper to action. Yes we can!

Today I learned that Bill Clinton's middle name is Jefferson. So presidential.

"'We're all in this together' works better than 'You're on your own'" -Bill Clinton

"Education is more than a luxury; it is a responsibility that society owes to itself." -Robin Cook

It's not just about elementary education, though that is what is in my blog and on my mind on a daily basis. Today I thought a little more about higher education. At UCD today, 2 of our current Democratic congressmen--Garamendi and McNerney, 2 Democratic candidates--Bera and Hernandez, and our 42nd president Bill Clinton, came and spoke on the quad. It was pretty awesome, and I wish Hernandez was in my district because I want to vote for him! And not just because he was an astronaut. (Though how cool is that!? As the son of migrant farm workers, he saw on TV Americans walking on the moon and said, that's what I want to do---and then he did it!) 

I stole this picture from my sister, who brought a real camera this morning.

Anyway, while I still think that the key to turning our nation around is investing in elementary education, we can't forget about those for whom it's too late. And we need to continue offering quality education at all levels, and not just quality, but affordable. Clinton talked a bit about student loan reform this morning, and made a good point: if you set up student loan programs in a way where students are actually able to pay loans back, you're going to have a lot more students actually pay their loans back instead of defaulting them. 

I really believe that education is the solution, in so many ways. America has bizarre priorities sometimes. Why wouldn't you want to invest in counteracting poverty when it can lead to fewer people dependent on welfare, and fewer people in our jails? We spend more on prisons than we do on schools, when what we should really be spending money on is investing in children so that fewer of them drop out and end up in prison. 

One thing that really stuck with my from my Minnesota Reading Corps training over a year ago was a video we watched called "How Do You Spell Murder?" The takeaway I got from the short movie was that, when you heard these criminals' stories, their failures in school seemed intertwined with ending up in prison. In the movie, we see the power of literacy, how, even adult men in jail for murder, find hope and empowerment in learning to read. 

Imagine if that hope and empowerment were instilled in elementary school. Imagine if they were provided with proper resources and effective, dedicated teachers. Imagine if college were a realistic, feasible goal for ALL students. Imagine how that could have changed the direction of these prisoners' lives. Every single child in America has enormous potential, and it's time we recognize that, and give every last one of them the opportunity to quality education, and a positive future.

I'll leave you with this video of Malcolm X. London's poem "High School Training Ground", which won top individual performance at the "Louder Than A Bomb" poetry slam competition in Chicago. He's someone for whom the school system has failed. Or perhaps, as he puts it, the school systems are succeeding, with the goal prepare their students to carry on the status quo, to step into the roles society provides for them, good or bad. London eloquently tells it like he sees it. 

And remember, make sure to vote in November! 

If You Can Read This, Thank A Teacher

Reading is hard! But you don't have to take my word for it.

"Teaching reading IS rocket science." -Louisa Moats

"I was gonna get a candy bar; the button I was supposed to push was "HH", so I went to the side, I found the "H" button, I pushed it twice. F-in'...potato chips came out, man, because they had an "HH" button for Christ's sake! You need to let me know. I'm not familiar with the concept of "HH". I did not learn my AA-BB-CC's. God god, dammit dammit.

Xylophone is spelled with an X, that's wrong, xylophone's zzzz, X? I don't f-in' see it. It should be a Z up front, next time you have to spell xylophone, use a Z. When someone says, "Hey that's wrong," say, "No it ain't. If you think that's wrong, you need to get your head Z-rayed." It's like X wasn't given enough to do, so they had to promise it more. Okay, you don't start a lot of words, but we'll give you a co-starring role in tic-tac-toe. And you will be associated with hugs and kisses. And you will mark the spot. And you will make writing Christmas easier. And incidentally, you will start xylophone. Are you happy, you f-in' X?!" -Mitch Hedberg

English really is a crazy language, its no wonder kids have trouble learning to read. What makes it even harder is not having extra support and encouragement at home to read, or even simply not enough money to have books at home. Reading is probably the single most important thing for a child to learn at school, because so much learning, in any subject-- math, science, arts--requires some reading. Reading Corps focused on grades K-3 because from age 3 to grade 3 kids are learning to read, but after grade three kids are reading to learn. And compared to Spanish, which is relatively phonetic, and French, where you might not pronounce half of the letters, but at least there seem to be fewer exceptions to the rules, English has a crazy amount of rules that can change all the time.

I think that, while Mitch Hedberg addresses some of our issues with his discussion of "x", Brian Regan hilariously illustrates the craziness of our rules:

"Brian, what's the i before e rule?"
"I before e....always."
"What are you, an idiot, Brian?"
"Apparently"
"I before E, except after C and when sounding like "ay" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends, and holidays, and all throughout May, and you're going to be wrong no matter what you say!"

and:

So she asked this kid who knew everything, Irwin. "Irwin, what's the plural for ox?"
"Oxen. The farmer used his oxen."
"Brian, what's the plural for box?"
"Boxen. I bought 2 boxen of doughnuts."
"No Brian, no. Let's try another one. Irwin, what's the plural for goose?"
"Geese, I saw a flock of geese."
"Brian, what's the plural for moose?"
"MOOSEN! I saw a flock of moosen! There were many of 'em. Many much moosen. Out in the woods--in the woodsen."

Funny, yes, but also the reality for a lot of students. It's confusing, and if you missed one important lesson, it's going to get a lot harder. As I worked one-on-one with kids last year, I read with so many kids who had some gaps in their phonics knowledge. And this year, I'm working with some 2nd graders who can barely blend words together, much less able to read any word that requires any rule past simply knowing letter sounds. Most kids can learn to read words like "cat" or "run" relatively easily, but a word like "cake" or "rain"? Totally throws a wrench in things. But at least those words follow a pattern--the silent "e" makes the "a" say its name, and the 2nd vowel (i) makes the first (a) have a long sound. But then there are words like "wild" or "was" or "character" and you've just got to know what's going on.

And this is before you factor in things like dyslexia or ADHD. And with budget cuts, bigger class sizes, fewer support positions in the classroom, some kids just don't stand a chance. Last year there were so many kids who I never got a chance to work with who could have really used the help. And this year, I don't have the time to work one-on-one a ton, because I'm focused on the class as a whole. Good grief. It makes me sad to see students struggling, especially coupled with behavior problems and just not having enough hours in the school day, much less enough of me to go around to give each student the attention they deserve.

So many kids fall through the cracks for various reasons. They might be hovering around grade-level, so they don't get as much attention as the lower kids in terms of extra help. They may have quiet personalities. It is the squeaky wheel that often gets the grease-cliché but true. They may desperately need an IEP/extra interventions, but have so many hoops of paperwork to jump through that by the time they get it it's almost too late, or there's a long line of other needy kids in front of them. They may need to be held back, or meds, or other help but the parents aren't supportive. It shouldn't be so hard to get a child an education!

What's a teacher to do? Besides the need for smaller class sizes, one of the other biggest needs for schools is more adults in the classroom. So if you have a consistent hour one day a week during the school day, find a local elementary school and volunteer! Besides the fact that it's so rewarding working with children, you could change a child's life. Even if all you're doing is reading with them, it could be more attention than they get at home, which can help for confidence/self esteem. Plus it could help fill a gap that a teacher, though (s)he's trying, simply hasn't been able to fill due to the twenty-some odd other bodies in the room. (Plus, volunteering will actually benefit your happiness! I'm not just saying that--I've read a bunch of psych studies that backs me up).

I'm just going to leave you with this: